Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize