I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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