I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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