I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
