so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
