yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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