So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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