you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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