I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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