based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
