so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
