I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
