Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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