we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
