Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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