The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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