I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
