I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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