Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize