:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
