Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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