tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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