If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
