Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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