no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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