I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
