we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
