i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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