ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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