the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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