okay pat passed out under dana's car
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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