When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
