naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
