he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
