Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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