Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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