Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
