drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
