3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
