Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
