Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
