how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
