i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
