Umm I'm too high to move.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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