Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my shit smells like andre
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize