Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize