U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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