he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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