barbara walters just said penis...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
