FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
