I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
