On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
