Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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