Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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