Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
