There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
