She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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