fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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