so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
