you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
