A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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