You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
