Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
