Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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