That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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