I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
